remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
