Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
