Yo dont text me then not text me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
