New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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