i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
