There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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