tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
