"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would fuck him just for his dog
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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