just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
