Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
