wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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