Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
