Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
