So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
