Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
