I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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