I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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