I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
