I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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