i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
