i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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