So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
