There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
