No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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