seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
