But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
