On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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