take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
