i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
