I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to make out with him forever
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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