Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
