I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
