he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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