would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
