so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
