so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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