She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
