your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
