She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
