I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
