life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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