I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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