I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
