so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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