John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
