I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
