Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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