At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
