At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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