Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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