My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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