I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
